My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
