I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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