Define "chronic" masturbator.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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