The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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