As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize