I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
