dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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