How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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