Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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