we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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