paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
