apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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