dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize