Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you never un-have a 4some
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
