I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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