I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
