Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
