with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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