The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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