I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
