After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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