so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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