I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
