If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
