Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
