Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
