i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
