Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
