The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
