were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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