You smell like stripper and shame
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
