You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
