how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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