Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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