She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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