I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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