recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
