she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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