We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize