Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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