i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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