we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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