you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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