I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize