at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
