If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
