Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
