dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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