laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
