On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
