I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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