remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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