I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize