he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
