I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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