On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
