I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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