he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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