U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize