It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
