i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
