If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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