Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
