It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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