something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize