I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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