I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize