You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
