All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
