Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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