tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
