I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
