my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
