3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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