Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
