I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
