I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
