please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
