I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
