I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
