If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
