Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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