I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
