Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
