I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
