I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
