I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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