Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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