I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize