dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
