you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
