I swear she didn't look like that last week.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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