is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
