Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
