Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
