Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
