Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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