Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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