Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
