She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
