i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
