Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
