I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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