Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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