Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
