his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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