Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
