i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
