The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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